For Now

I push your memory away, most days

because the pain is too much to acknowledge.

But in the silence of the night

or at the glimpse of your image

you are suddenly here.

I wish my arms could penetrate death

so I could hug you one last time.

Or that my voice could travel beyond the uncrossable chasm

in my desire to tell you "Goodbye."

The reality, is still, too fresh to be dealt with.

I'm comfortable in my denial.

Admitting your permanent absence

would mean that I have to leave this place,

the strange corner of my mind

where I'm allowed the ridiculous

delusions of your continued presence.

Someday I'll be forced to crawl out

into the reality that is your death.

But for now, I'll stay.